Dancing in the Darkness

This is one man's guide to begging for sex, smuggling drugs, and pretending to be rock 'n' roll?just take up what you are worst at, hold on tight, and enjoy the ride! In this offbeat, hilarious, harebrained manual on fame, fortune, and the universe, Frankie offers a unique slant on the bigger questions in life in an attempt to help readers (and himself) arrive at a greater understanding of the world through the excesses of sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll. Thanks to a revolutionary process called the Mind Sweeper, devised by his Polish cleaner, he is able to make sense of his life befor.

Cover; Title Page; Contents; Mindsweeper: An Introduction By My Polish Cleaner; Epigraph; How To Eat Shit; How To Forgive A Bad Father; How To Disrespect A Good Mother; How To Envy Your Brothers; How To Live With Scrooge; How To Talk To People Nobody Talks To; How To Think Inside The Box; How To Do It Till You Go Blind; How To Misplace Loyalty; How To Bottom Feed; How To Plan Spontaneity; How To Become Progressively More Embarrassing; How To Excel In What You're Not Good At; How To Be A Tour Guide With No Sense Of Direction; How To Get Into The Closet; How To Google Yourself Silly.

How To Marry Vocation And Desperation With Best Man BallsHow To Be A Bass Player With No Sense Of Rhythm; How To Dine Out On A Beating; How To Write A Summer Smash In A Cold, Damp Bed-Sit; How To Pleasure Humanity Inappropriately; How To Make A Tit Of Yourself; How To Tarnish The Dog's Bollocks; How To Make Nme Your Enemy; How To Lock Yourself In Prison; How To Learn What You Really Think; How To Enjoy Hangovers More Than Getting Drunk; How To Bring A Bad Joke To Life; How To Blow The Dream Gig; How To Invent Bad Karma; How To Look A Gift Horse In The Mouth.

How To Teach Someone a Lesson You'll Never …